I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
