Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
