Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
