Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
