Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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