the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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