Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I enjoy the company of your penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
