someone threw a dead crab at me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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