It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
