Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
