stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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