matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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