I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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