I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you win again, gameday.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
