I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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