so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Quick, to the slutcave!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
