Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
