call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I did not marry a roomba.
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