currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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