Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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