Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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