We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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