It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
