her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
