he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
