why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
