Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
