i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
