my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
