He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
