I will die if light touches me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
