I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
