You can't special order awesome
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
