So drunk its hurt
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
