Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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