That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
