Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
