Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
