Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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