8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Michael Bay diarrhea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
