I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
