I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
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