You really coming over, don't trick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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