oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
