I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
