then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
