so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
