I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
