I smell stomach acid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
