next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
