i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
