I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
