Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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